Becoming Faye

Don’t Look Behind the Curtain Little Girl Audio narration coming soon to YouTube. My mother tells me I’s six months old when I uttered my first word, already talkin’ before most babies could sit up straight. “It was on a Sunday,” she said. “I remember ‘cause we were leavin’ for church, an’ there was gonna be a picnic afterward to celebrate the church’s 100th anniversary. This was a big day for our congregation, but you topped ‘em all when you pointed to the top of my blouse,

Tell a lie big enough an’ long enough an’ people will believe it. Audio narration coming soon to YouTube. My parents landed in Florida durin’ the Eisenhower Era. Of course, it didn’t get that name ‘til we were well into the 60s, when black folks, women, homosexuals an’ others like ‘em started makin’ a fuss about bein’ left out of the good-time party our 34th president had directed. By that time, the country had fallen headfirst into the age of protests, sit-ins, an’ walkouts.

As I’ve continued posting blogs each week, I’ve been thinking about what I know to be a matter of record, how the memories of family members have informed my understanding of the past, and how I’ve had to fill in the blanks between them. This author’s note helps explain that. This memoir is based on my own memories, family stories told to me throughout my life, historical research, and documents I have found through genealogical and public records. Some facts in this story ar

Tell a lie big enough an’ long enough, an’ people will believe it Audio narration coming soon to YouTube Adjacent to the City of Milton you’ll find the Village of Bagdad. This tiny dot on Florida’s map had been wrapped in briars, mosquitoes, thorns, an’ snakes for a million years. But before they measured off their boundaries to make a respectable showin’ as real communities, it was all called Hell-Town. Sometimes, Hard Scrabble. That’s always been my favorite. There’s someth

How the Fundamental Evangelical Christian Church taught me to create a life of anxiety. Audio narration coming soon to YouTube. I don’t think Mama an’ Daddy thought much about how this next move would affect the rest of us. Weariness an’ trauma were their motivators, plain an’ simple. Pile on their need to put a lot more distance between them an’ the family drama still goin’ on in Iowa, add Daddy’s determination to leave winter behind, an’ you got a perfect recipe for movin’

A fire, a funeral, an’ a place to call home. Audio narration on YouTube coming soon. Two months had passed since Granny had the flu, an’ this year's typical spring trip to Iowa would have to wait. Mama’s headaches were comin’ more often an’ here she was with another one. Not feelin’ like herself a’tall. Somethin’ wasn’t right. In just a few weeks, it would all make sense when she discovered she was expecting a baby, something she never anticipated would happen to her again. I

A fire, a funeral, an’ a place to call home Listen to the audio narration on YouTube at: https://youtu.be/okgcmmjVSTY It wasn’t long after my first real heart break in 1971 that Mama brought these family skeletons out of the closet. I’s barely 14 an’ my world had come to an end a few months earlier when I’s forced to break up with the first boy I ever loved. I’d been tryin’ to right myself, without much success. Most nights, still cryin’ myself to sleep. It felt like I’d lost

In the blink of an eye Listen to the audio narration on YouTube at: https://youtu.be/rayhMZHKG5w In the four months she’d lived there, my Mama did what she could to comfort this sad little boy, but Leland never let her get too close. She’d never been around a five-year-old like him. Always so quiet, he was the one she had to go lookin’ for. All she had to do with the others was listen an’ follow the noise. At breakfast that mornin’ he’d been even quieter than usual. When ever

In the Blink of an Eye Audio narration on YouTube at: https://youtu.be/GP3p-mgQDAY Maggie went into labor on November 28, 1950. Twenty-four long hours later, Leland’s promised baby brother arrived at 5:30 a.m., just before sunrise. It had been a long, hard night. But Maggie couldn’t be happier with the beautiful little golden-haired boy she held in her arms. An hour later, as the sun peeked over the horizon, she an’ Walter celebrated their ten-year weddin’ anniversary as he s

Nobody Saw it Comin’ Listen to the audio narration on YouTube at: https://youtu.be/W_ZOsx0rGAI On January 8, 1950, after chores were done, Walter took Maggie an’ Leland to stay with her parents in Greenfield, twelve miles north. They were much closer to the doctor who was treatin’ her ongoin’ flu symptoms. Livin’ this far out in the country like they did, in this kind of weather, she was lucky to see him once a month. Now, his house calls could be made several times a week. H

Elves Runnin' Loose in the Kitchen Listen to the audio narration on YouTube at: https://youtu.be/AKQKuhrRv4o Gene’s voice brought her back to her kitchen table when he said, “Yeah, Dad lived right behind Darrell’s grandparents,” then his voice went low, like he was sharin’ a secret. “I spent a lot of time with those folks. They were good to me. The whole family was.” For a moment, Mama thought he might not continue. “So, I saw Dad plenty, too. But don’t tell Mom about it. She

Elves Runnin’ Loose in the Kitchen Listen to the audio narration on YouTube at: https://youtu.be/vM695nj5IWw In early April 1951, Mama’s younger brother, Gene, who’d be twenty in December, but had looked an’ lived like a grown man since he was fourteen, came for an unexpected visit. Mama was livin’ in Rock Island, workin’ at S.S. Kresge, a five-n-dime type department store that would eventually be called K-Mart. It was the kind of place where the smell of fresh popcorn and pe

They All Live Happily Ever After Listen to the audio narration on YouTube at: https://youtu.be/nkJh8XO67Vg Mama an’ Barney’s house sat six miles from the Rock Island Arsenal, where the guns under their kitchen floor were manufactured, but it was just 50 yards from Rock River, a tributary spillin’ into the Mississippi less than a mile from their front door. Loaded down with weaponized metal, Mama ran outside, recallin’ how Barney insisted that livin’ by the river could come in

They All Live Happily Ever After Listen to the audio narration on YouTube at: https://youtu.be/4BCqZNfuOKo Mama turned seventeen on July 14, 1944, an’ Barney was there to help her celebrate. It didn’t take long before she decided to let this puppy follow her home. By September, she was pregnant. Mama never shared that part of the story with me, though. It would be decades before I thought through the timelines and figured it out for myself. She never wanted me to know she had

They All Live Happily Ever After Listen to the audio narration on YouTube at https://youtu.be/2krhKEYSVcE Kissiah “Kit” Smith was born on January 16, 1817. She entered this world on the wings of grief an’ loss, just a few hours after her father’s passin’. Her name would become a prayer whispered in anguish an’ a curse muttered in dark corners, when at seventeen, she became The Sin-Eater of Mount Pisgah, Kentucky. Not by choice but by necessity. It was a role she inherited whe

It looks a lot like home to me Listen to the audio narration on YouTube at: https://youtu.be/8DJd4F93RrI Summertime, an' the livin' is easy Richard got sick in June of 1942, a few weeks before Mama’s birthday. His symptoms were mild at first an’ because his mother had survived the same disease as a young child, an’ had immunity, he remained at home rather than bein’ isolated in a polio ward. Quarantine signs were placed on each door an’ along the white picket fence that surro

It looks a lot like home to me Listen to the audio narration on YouTube at: https://youtu.be/-Iy7PsZ8-qU Summertime, an' the livin' is easy... Mama was the second child an’ only daughter of Herbert an’ Faye Smith, born an’ raised in the cozy little farm town of Grinnell, Iowa, where ever’body really did know your name. All your secrets, too. In 1939 she had a Tale of Two Cities kind of year. One of the best an’ worst she’d ever known. It would portend the rest of her life,

The unholy trinity of my Daddy’s youth Listen to the audio narration on YouTube at: https://youtu.be/gMPAvJXfz4M I didn’t always understand it. Took me a long time to see it for what it was… ‘cause I’d been lied to my whole life. But if you’re gonna get a true picture of how I’s raised, I gotta tell you ‘bout Mama an’ Daddy. After all, it’s their doin’, an’ you’re gonna need the backstory. My daddy grew up in Madison County, Iowa. That’s right. The one with the bridges. He

Like January 6th kinda messy [The audio version of this story can be found on YouTube at https://youtu.be/iB1gzXgEo7k.] My silent escape from a tangle of lies took years. Terror lives in the hearts of men an’ women who look a whole lot like your next door neighbor. I grew up with ‘em — I went to church with ‘em. Hell, I called ‘em my friends. When they raised their “Jesus Saves” banners in Washington DC on January 6, 2021 — the year that we all hoped would bring us salvatio

This is the beginning of my story — told in my own words, one chapter at a time.