Becoming Faye

I was reaching for something that didn’t come toward me on its own.

I’m still taking a short break from sharing my memoir. September has been a month of rest, recovery, and looking again at some parts of my life that needed my attention. I’m feeling much better, but I’m not quite ready to jump back into the story yet. So, I’m giving myself one more week of breathing room. I’ll be back in October. And honestly, after everything September has stirred up, I suspect I’ll be returning to the memoir with a slightly different perspective than I had

September apparently isn’t finished with me. Not yet. 😂 A couple of weeks ago, I wrote that I needed some breathing room. Then I got bronchitis. The Universe thought I needed a more literal demonstration. I’ve spent much of September resting, trying to get my lungs back on speaking terms with the rest of my body, postponing client work, and taking a break from writing my memoir. But while I’ve been sitting still, some other things have been moving. Relationships. Old convers

I love my garden. I’ve spent the summer watching sunflowers stretch toward the roofline, zinnias bloom in colors I didn’t know I needed, and songbirds fight over territory as though somebody forgot to tell them there is enough food for everybody.

August stirred things up. And now, September gives us some space to look at what happened.

I’m taking a little break from the memoir, giving myself some room to see what’s coming up, and letting the next chapter wait until next Sunday.

Man on A Cross – Girl on A Mission Audio narration coming soon you YouTube. Long, long ago when the ice began to melt an’ the earth began to warm, house-size quartz rock came barrelin’ out of the Appalachian Mountain range. Tossed around an’ pulverized by the almighty force of creation, enormous boulders turned into sugar-white sand. They found their landin’ place along the emerald, green shores of what would someday be called Santa Rosa Island, Florida’s Panhandle, my childh

Don’t Look Behind the Curtain Little Girl Audio narration coming soon to YouTube. My mother tells me I’s six months old when I uttered my first word, already talkin’ before most babies could sit up straight. “It was on a Sunday,” she said. “I remember ‘cause we were leavin’ for church, an’ there was gonna be a picnic afterward to celebrate the church’s 100th anniversary. This was a big day for our congregation, but you topped ‘em all when you pointed to the top of my blouse,

Tell a lie big enough an’ long enough an’ people will believe it. Audio narration coming soon to YouTube. My parents landed in Florida durin’ the Eisenhower Era. Of course, it didn’t get that name ‘til we were well into the 60s, when black folks, women, homosexuals an’ others like ‘em started makin’ a fuss about bein’ left out of the good-time party our 34th president had directed. By that time, the country had fallen headfirst into the age of protests, sit-ins, an’ walkouts.

As I’ve continued posting blogs each week, I’ve been thinking about what I know to be a matter of record, how the memories of family members have informed my understanding of the past, and how I’ve had to fill in the blanks between them. This author’s note helps explain that. This memoir is based on my own memories, family stories told to me throughout my life, historical research, and documents I have found through genealogical and public records. Some facts in this story ar

Tell a lie big enough an’ long enough, an’ people will believe it Audio narration coming soon to YouTube Adjacent to the City of Milton you’ll find the Village of Bagdad. This tiny dot on Florida’s map had been wrapped in briars, mosquitoes, thorns, an’ snakes for a million years. But before they measured off their boundaries to make a respectable showin’ as real communities, it was all called Hell-Town. Sometimes, Hard Scrabble. That’s always been my favorite. There’s someth

How the Fundamental Evangelical Christian Church taught me to create a life of anxiety. Audio narration coming soon to YouTube. I don’t think Mama an’ Daddy thought much about how this next move would affect the rest of us. Weariness an’ trauma were their motivators, plain an’ simple. Pile on their need to put a lot more distance between them an’ the family drama still goin’ on in Iowa, add Daddy’s determination to leave winter behind, an’ you got a perfect recipe for movin’

A fire, a funeral, an’ a place to call home. Audio narration on YouTube coming soon. Two months had passed since Granny had the flu, an’ this year's typical spring trip to Iowa would have to wait. Mama’s headaches were comin’ more often an’ here she was with another one. Not feelin’ like herself a’tall. Somethin’ wasn’t right. In just a few weeks, it would all make sense when she discovered she was expecting a baby, something she never anticipated would happen to her again. I

A fire, a funeral, an’ a place to call home Listen to the audio narration on YouTube at: https://youtu.be/okgcmmjVSTY It wasn’t long after my first real heart break in 1971 that Mama brought these family skeletons out of the closet. I’s barely 14 an’ my world had come to an end a few months earlier when I’s forced to break up with the first boy I ever loved. I’d been tryin’ to right myself, without much success. Most nights, still cryin’ myself to sleep. It felt like I’d lost

In the blink of an eye Listen to the audio narration on YouTube at: https://youtu.be/rayhMZHKG5w In the four months she’d lived there, my Mama did what she could to comfort this sad little boy, but Leland never let her get too close. She’d never been around a five-year-old like him. Always so quiet, he was the one she had to go lookin’ for. All she had to do with the others was listen an’ follow the noise. At breakfast that mornin’ he’d been even quieter than usual. When ever

In the Blink of an Eye Audio narration on YouTube at: https://youtu.be/GP3p-mgQDAY Maggie went into labor on November 28, 1950. Twenty-four long hours later, Leland’s promised baby brother arrived at 5:30 a.m., just before sunrise. It had been a long, hard night. But Maggie couldn’t be happier with the beautiful little golden-haired boy she held in her arms. An hour later, as the sun peeked over the horizon, she an’ Walter celebrated their ten-year weddin’ anniversary as he s

Nobody Saw it Comin’ Listen to the audio narration on YouTube at: https://youtu.be/W_ZOsx0rGAI On January 8, 1950, after chores were done, Walter took Maggie an’ Leland to stay with her parents in Greenfield, twelve miles north. They were much closer to the doctor who was treatin’ her ongoin’ flu symptoms. Livin’ this far out in the country like they did, in this kind of weather, she was lucky to see him once a month. Now, his house calls could be made several times a week. H

Elves Runnin' Loose in the Kitchen Listen to the audio narration on YouTube at: https://youtu.be/AKQKuhrRv4o Gene’s voice brought her back to her kitchen table when he said, “Yeah, Dad lived right behind Darrell’s grandparents,” then his voice went low, like he was sharin’ a secret. “I spent a lot of time with those folks. They were good to me. The whole family was.” For a moment, Mama thought he might not continue. “So, I saw Dad plenty, too. But don’t tell Mom about it. She

Elves Runnin’ Loose in the Kitchen Listen to the audio narration on YouTube at: https://youtu.be/vM695nj5IWw In early April 1951, Mama’s younger brother, Gene, who’d be twenty in December, but had looked an’ lived like a grown man since he was fourteen, came for an unexpected visit. Mama was livin’ in Rock Island, workin’ at S.S. Kresge, a five-n-dime type department store that would eventually be called K-Mart. It was the kind of place where the smell of fresh popcorn and pe

They All Live Happily Ever After Listen to the audio narration on YouTube at: https://youtu.be/nkJh8XO67Vg Mama an’ Barney’s house sat six miles from the Rock Island Arsenal, where the guns under their kitchen floor were manufactured, but it was just 50 yards from Rock River, a tributary spillin’ into the Mississippi less than a mile from their front door. Loaded down with weaponized metal, Mama ran outside, recallin’ how Barney insisted that livin’ by the river could come in